You made a commitment to each other. You set up house and bought scatter cushions online. The next step was to get a puppy or a kitten as a cute little test run for parenthood. Actually, having a pet together is as big a commitment (well, almost) as having kids and if you break up you'll have to discuss who gets pet custody. Here's how to handle it.
Consider your pets' feelings, no matter how spitting mad you feel, urges Nicola, 25, an environmental consultant. She moved in with her boyfriend, Anthony, after seven months together, and brought along Meridyth-May, her beloved albino Jack Russell. The couple then acquired Snacks, a crossbreed, to keep Meridyth-May company.
When the relationship ended almost a year later, Nicola took a mature approach regarding their pets. Since Anthony's house had a garden and she was moving in with family friends without a garden, the two decided the animals should stay with him - which meant letting go of her own dog. 'It sucks because I really love Meridyth-May. Leaving your dogs behind is like leaving your kids but I know they're safer and happier there and I want the best for them. He loves them to death - probably more than he ever liked me,' she jokes. After moving out, Nicola agreed with Anthony that she'd walk the dogs in parks near his house at weekends.
The pet-custody issue hasn't been easy, Nicola admits. 'You want to be mean and hurtful but here are two little creatures who depend off you and give you unconditional love. They have feelings too. They don't like to be unsettled, and get very upset when 'Mom' and 'Dad' are fighting.'
Pets are People Too
Animals definitely experience a fairly rich emotional life. Pets feel the same basic emotions we do, such as pleasure, ecstasy, fear, frustration, anger, misery and depression. When a pet has built a relationship with someone in the household the animal can be affected psychologically if the person suddenly leaves. A custody arrangement with visitation rights can help limit the damage - as long as you and your ex don't get tense or argue when you meet to hand over the animals. In these situations, animals become extremely distressed, jumping on people and becoming quite aggressive. In the long term, distressed pets can develop behavioral problems such as barking and howling excessively, or self-mutilating. If a visitation arrangement will unsettle the animal more, it's better that there is a clean break.
On the positive side, cats and dogs are among the world's most adaptive creatures, adjusting well to new circumstances. Your animal may miss you initially but, thankfully, they have shorter memories than we do. Generally, dogs wake up happy and don't mind much whether it's you, your ex or a devoted new owner who's feeding and walking them. And those enthusiastic face licks when you visit? Animals love attention. They respond when a visitor shows them more than usual attention - the animal hasn't necessarily been missing you.
Your Kennel or Mine?
When a relationship is falling apart, we humans are at our most irrational, angry and self-pitying. During pet-custody negotiations, don't let your animals become pawns in your personal relationship battle. The decision has to be based primarily on what's best and least disruptive for the animal, not on trying to make a point.
Beware of arguing to keep Fluffy and Shaka because you're 'more closely bonded' to them. Often, it's a partner who doesn't want the relationship to end who'll use the seemingly viable excuse that 'the animal's heart will be broken' if they're not around. Don't kid yourself. Is it really in the animal's best interest or just in yours?
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